THE DAY MY TEARS BETRAYED ME

I have often heard that crying, sometimes uncontrollably, is one of the many symptoms of perimenopause, often happening for no apparent reason. I have felt sad enough to cry before, but not a single tear fell from my eyes—until that fateful Sunday.

Now if you know me, Sunday is my original social day.  It's the day I go to church, worship and laugh and fellowship with my friends and brethren.  This particular Sunday morning though, was different.  I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach.  This feeling had become familiar to me in the more recent past.  I tried to push through but sadness overwhelmed me.  I decided however that I was going to push through.

One of the biggest anxieties that I have developed since entering perimenopause is large groups.  In fact, I have gone to church in this new dispensation and had to retreat to a small office to reduce the overwhelm.  So I was well aware that with the way I felt, attending church would be a great challenge.  I stuck to my routine: Arrived at church, stopped by my friend's office, forced a smile, sat for a while, and then gradually made my way into the congregation.

As soon as I sat down, claustrophobia set in.  I couldn't sit still. I quickly grabbed my bag and raced outside to the tuck shop. After having some tea, I ventured back inside—but that turned out to be a bad idea!

I started to feel so overwhelmed that I had to retreat back to my friend's office. Before I knew it, I was in tears, shaking, nervous, unravelled! Why was I crying? Only God knows. I just felt sad, overwhelmed, self-conscious, insecure and burdened.

Thankfully, a friend noticed and followed me into the room. I cried a little more, I still have no explanation for why. She sat with me, rubbed my hand, enquired what was wrong but I had no explanation. Eventually, I collected myself and mustered enough courage to get me through the rest of the service.

For the remainder of the day, I was unable to function.

This was the day that I made a  decision about my future as a perimenopausal woman.  Sadness and apprehension would no longer overwhelm me and certainly, public crying would never happen to me again.

Here begins my sojourn into the world of hormonal research.  Google here I come...